I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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