We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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