Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
