The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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