I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
