Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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