Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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