Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
