youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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