I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
