Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
