my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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