Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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