I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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