Your tits are I can't wait for
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
