seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
