I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
