The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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