Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
