She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
