Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
