dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
