for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Found the puke drawer
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize