Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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