I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
