Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
