and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
