What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
