yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
