I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
foreskin is a definite game changer
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You left your phone here
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