dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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