Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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