my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize