I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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