If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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