we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
