On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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