im about as happy as oj after his trial
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
