I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
