You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
