Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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