I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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