He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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