Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
