Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
