call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
