You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
