better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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