im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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