i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
