i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
