he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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