I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
