I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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