matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
