so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
