Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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