His pubic hair was longer than his dick
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
