At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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