I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
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