p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
