I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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