Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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