Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize