just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
