I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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