Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
