dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
