i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
